Forever Autumn

12th September 2014
Woke up to the Moody Blues Forever Autumn a favourite track of mine, as I stumbled about trying to focus and move I realised that wow it is already getting to that time of year again! The time when you don't have to be up at 3.30-4am LATEST to get a sunrise at 5am. When you can persuade your body that 5.30 is perfectly acceptable to be out and about capturing the mists. Do we get fogs & mists here in the Shires, O yes indeed we do. Still think I live in Brigadoon. Now all I have to do is persuade my sleep clock that between the hrs of midnight and 4am I'm going to be asleep! However, I want to be UP AND OUT!!! In the dawns ethereal light. I know not every day as dealing with Fibro and ME one has to listen to the body or you will suffer and I mean severely suffer!! Once in a while to be out seeing the glory of Mother Natures paint pallet would be nice, if at all possible. This 'Hazy Morn' was from 2007 my first year in the Shire and a time when I had so much more energy than now. I could walk a reasonable distance and NOT be laid up in bed for days after. I could drive around as fuel prices did not require a mortgage and I had a steady income. I do hope one day to have that time again.

Why now 7 yrs. later do I seem worse? I often wonder! The only thing I can think of is Diabetes one more condition on top of the others and wham I'm not coping with any of them particularly well! PAIN is beyond imagination levels and believe me my imagination levels are pretty high! I do after all share my home with imps, bats, gargoyles, giants and the odd dragon or four ;). New medication to keep sugar under control as pain makes it erratic at the best of times, has me all over the shop with nausea, giddiness, brand new plus old symptoms flaring up all over the place. Not to mention weight gain which I am sure does not help one bit. Please explain the logic of a Diabetic med that makes you gain weight? How will that control a disease that is predominantly bought on by weight? I can't wrap my brain round the reasoning.

Days have become a learning curve of what can I do in this hour. Questions like when will I have the ability to live again? Being in far to much pain/fatigue to go out with camera and tripod, finding you don't have the energy to carry the gear, not have the strength to open up the legs or the clips to extend or shorten the height. Frustrating is not the word. I took a year off craft fairs and markets this year to be able to get out and has that happened not as much as I would like!!! Luckily I have 10,000 odd images that can be edited but the longer you don't get out the more you lose the taste for it. The more you forget being at one with nature and the camera, the instinct and gut feeling of where to be and when diminishes and time doesn't stand still for long.

This has been the fastest year to be blinked and missed so many plans, hopes and wants not touched. SOMETIMES I want to turn the clock back YEARS to make a different decision and hope that by doing that the conditions I deal with hourly will never arrive. The accident that triggered them never happen. The ability to play badminton,tennis, squash, Swim 2hrs a day. Stand on my feet and work a 14hr shift 5 days a week still be achievable. However I have had a good life in the main not a goal unreached, though travelling more is still on the cards, a career I adored and some bloody amazing memories and mates that still make me laugh and remember when ;) Just put the phone down from a 'cor blimey', geezer, that I worked with in my first photographic lab. Always makes me chuckle.

Everyone has different dreams, different ideas of how to cope and deal. Mine has always been to drive. A mountain pass, the beach, a road not travelled before. It doesn't matter how much pain I am in, I can release it somehow out driving. Most of my best shots have been literally taken spur of the moment when out on a drive. I love where I live and I am very blessed in many ways. I only have to open the door and magic is right there. I have a VIVID imagination and love to weave wonders in my art. Though natural and not created there is often something unseen, hidden and mystical sneaking in and out of my images. Hidden faces, creatures Mother Natures games. So not being able to get out in the car is leaving me like a caged animal at present.

This week was very special as Hilary Jane Jones and I did a working edit on "The Crystal Lake, Part Three of The Journey", it really is amazing and some verses are really singing to me whilst others truly make you think. Every picture connects with each verse and some you're going to need to really think outside the box with, will need to look a little deeper but we think it has woven together very well and can't wait to start the print ball rolling. So please keep buying Briar Ridge books folks cos without sales we cannot launch the next one. The cover of "The Haunted Vale, Part Four of The Journey" is in place and it's a stonker I am going to be out hopefully capturing some haunting images for Hilary to work with during the next few months health permitting and going over old archives to draw ideas from there as well.

Guess this year might end up somewhat productive after all. Hopefully the amount of specialist appointments, scans, tests, x-rays and ultra sounds I have undergone this year will achieve something positive and things will start moving at a different speed. Even back to the speed of 07 would be an improvement. Invisible illness my arse, invisible life more like. When you have things like this you don't have much of one. However even with all seemingly stagnant and going awry, sometimes just being you touches another soul, reaches out to them across the cloud in a way that is very special and very, very unexpected as I found out end of last week from an email on here. Delighted to know that my words and stories help others to just be. Even my ranting and raving bringing a smile to an otherwise down day. We all have specialness in us the ability to see that and bring it out takes work on days when it rains inside as well as out.

Though darker days are indeed drawing nearer now. With them comes the golden lights, the weaving mists of magical mornings and the burning smell of woodsmoke :)

There will always be a light at the end of the tunnel! We have but to find the key we lost. :)

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